Patience in love

Paul's first letter to the Corinthians contains a long list of qualities that love is or is not and begins, as many of us know, "Love is patient." The last few weeks have drawn my attention to this oft-quoted and oft-ignored phrase. Love is patient... It's a strange assessment, if you think about it. Sure, we say, "Good things come to those who wait," and, "Patience is a virtue," but is it really something we look for in love?

Psychologists teach us that we remember best everything mentioned either at the beginning or the end of a passage. If we want to emphasize an important concept, we should mention it first or last. It seems Paul recognized the importance of this phenomenon in his many talks and writings. The passage in I Corinthians ends with the point that when everything else is gone, when we essentially have nothing, hope, faith, and love will remain, and that "the greatest of these is love." Clearly, this was Paul's main point; thus, it stands to reason that his opening remarks were also important. But why did he list patience first?

Dictionary.com defines "patient" as

• Bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance with calmness.
• Marked by or exhibiting calm endurance of pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance.
• Tolerant; understanding: an unfailingly patient leader and guide.
• Persevering; constant: With patient industry, she revived the failing business and made it thrive.
• Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive.
• Capable of bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance: “My uncle Toby was a man patient of injuries” (Laurence Sterne).

None of these qualities are particularly easy for mere mortals to embody, but in matters of the heart, they are essential. What is love without understanding? How can we say we have love if we are incapable of enduring life's knocks?

This brings me to my main point, which is that I am incredibly lucky to have Judson in my life. In the six years we have been together, we have spent approximately two of them apart. Jud has endured my desires to spend more than a semester in France and virtually every summer in a different part of the country without a single complaint. To the contrary, he has supported and encouraged each of my decisions. He has respected my choice not to live with him until we are married, even though I know it's something he wants. And on a smaller scale, he listens to me when I am full of self-doubt about graduate school and when I am fearful that I am not smart enough to be successful with my research. Along with my family, Jud is the one great constant in my life, and I am sure I would not be as successful as I am without his support. Love is patient. Judson must love me very much indeed.