Becky, don't go nuts yet! (Tips for your first big race)

In the interest of sparing Becky's blog from yet another one of my insanely long comments, I figured I'd post my race-week advice here.

"Sparing" doesn't look like it's spelled properly. But I guess that the -ing form of "spar" would be "sparring."

Anyhow, the week before a big race is always tough, and it's even worse when it's your first big race (of a particular distance). So here are all the answers to things Becky would probably be asking us if we were around.

• Yes, that's normal
• Also normal
• Aw, come on! You'll do great!
• Yes, you are a real runner. Now stop acting like that.
• You have no idea how fast that person will be! You're only here for you!
• No, I don't think you should eat that pain au chocolat. The race is only half an hour away.
• Relax! That's normal too!
• Just take all your favorite running clothes because you won't know for certain what the conditions will be until race morning.

So now that we've covered that, it's on to the last few days before the race. I'm pretty sure that the Penguin covered this well, but I think it's always good to have a little advice from actual friends.

If Paris is normal, it will have a huge race expo that you can tour when you complete the race registration/sign-in. Expos are a lot of fun, and they're a great opportunity to see new products, but they can also trick you into wearing yourself out and spending too much money. The best tactic for the expo is to decide ahead of time how long you want to spend there. Here are some other things you might want to know:

• Do not, under any but the most extreme circumstances, buy any apparel or accessories at the expo to wear at the race.
• Gels taste much better when you've been exercising. Most taste gross no matter how tired you are. Keep this in mind (and look for the beer/energy drink/juice stand) if you want to try gel samples.
• If you admit to people selling preventative blister strips that you get blisters, you may have to take off your shoes and socks in front of an onlooking crowd.
• Most souvenirs are silly and pointless. Good souvenirs that you will definitely appreciate later include mugs, hoodies, and baseball hats.
• If you flirt with the sock guy, you might get a good deal.
• Saying you're fat and that you're not a "real" runner might also work (but I think it helps if you aren't tiny).
• Everyone will try to hard-sell their wares. Just pretend you're me and wander away.
• Go to the bathroom before getting in the line to pay.

So with the expo covered, we really just have the race left. Remember the important night to get a lot of sleep is the night before the race eve. Don't eat anything new or different. Don't wear anything new or different (exceptions: trashbags, cheap gloves, cheap hats). Arrive too early--it's much better than rushing to get to the race. Attach your chip to your shoes the night before the race, if possible, or find some other way of securely attaching it to something you are guaranteed to have with you.

Now we have race day. The Penguin's advice that you get into the porta-potty line immediately upon arrival at the race is spot on. Cycling through the line is a good way to pass time, and it'll probably be necessary since we have to pee when we're nervous. There are only two other things you need to worry about: the check-in for all your extra stuff, and the starting corral. So that covers the basics; here are some more tips (Tips, Dad!).

• Bring toilet paper. Trust me.
• Don't wear the race shirt during the race. Not only is it uncool, but it's breaking a running taboo (you can't wear a shirt until you've earned it by finishing the race), but it will immediately identify you as a "noob"
• Bring an extra hair band.
• Trashbags are a multi-purpose tool for racing. They'll keep you warm and dry. Consider bringing one with you.
• Vaseline, body glide, and deodorant work wonders against chaffing.
• If you are feeling nervous, look for your bib buddies. These are the people whose race number falls next to yours.
• Resist the temptation to start quickly.
• Smile and wave whenever you see a photographer.
• High-fiving kids will make your arms tired.
• Make sure you have a cup of water before throwing it on your head (I know it's winter, but you never know.)
• If you do have a chaffing problem, tell medical staff. They often have tongue-depressors loaded with Vaseline for just such an occasion.
• No matter how much you like powdered doughnuts, don't eat them before the race (that's from my aunt).
• One way to set a good pace at the beginning of the race is to talk to people.
• Don't try to talk to people who seem aloof, and don't be mad at them for being rude.
• Half-marathons are not cross-country races. Elbowing people is definitely frowned upon.
• Looks before you spit, slow down considerably, throw away your cheap gloves, or do anything else that could disrupt people behind you.
• Keep moving through the water stops.
• Be aware that you may get elbowed and spit on. Know that you may plow into someone who just randomly stopped in front of you.
• Find out where the porta-potties will be ahead of time.
• Never give up on finding your bib buddy. Try to introduce others to the bib-buddy tradition.
• When you get to the finish, maintain your victory pose until you are definitely out of the range of cameras. The extra seconds your watch records won't hurt you.
• Keep moving through the finishing shoot to the best of your abilities. If you need to throw up or keel over, try to get to the side and to alert one of the volunteers that you need help.
• Move around and stretch for what seems like forever after the race. Your muscles will appreciate it.
• Don't take a hot shower.
• Don't go clubbing that night.
• I don't know why, but McDonalds is delicious immediately following a long race. I think it's the extra sugar and salt they put in all their food.
• Be careful with alcohol. You'll get buzzed really quickly, and you really need to work on hydration of if you are going to drink.
• Wear that medal all day!

Okay, that's all I know. This thing has taken me entirely too long to write. I hope that if it wasn't all that useful, it was at least entertaining (or vice-versa).